the road to recovery...you are what you eat!

“step away from the chocolate” you might as well tell me to die! my sweet tooth is like no other, i’m telling you it’s like i pms for 3 weeks every month with the cravings i get! turns out not only is that sweet tooth ruining my waistline but it’s messing with my health and that’s when i need to reevaluate. i will do anything for love (or at least my love of chocolate) but i won’t do that…that being putting my baby making area at any further risk! no, no, no! for the first week post-surgery i was on a strict diet: jello, apple sauce, ginger ale, and saltine crackers. a week after surgery i was at dinner celebrating my mother’s birthday and ordered a chicken parm with no pasta just salad…it kicked my ass! omg my stomach was in severe pain that whole night and the following day and let's be clear i didn't feast I legit had 1/4 of the chicken (palm size) and it kicked my ass! after that day i tried to be extra careful with what i ate but to my surprise what i thought to be simple and harmless were secret killers: coffee, cheese, certain proteins, and worst of all cookies, cakes and candy (shocker.)! as if the recovery period wasn't tough enough with all the holes in me and my insides all messed up i had to deal with pain from eating, not happening...so i turned for help!

when i first started writing about my battle with endometriosis my inbox was flooded with support. one person in particular, catherine cuello, stood out as her words of support came from experience. catherine constantly offered words of encouragement and more importantly a solution; from the very beginning she stressed the importance of a clean diet. "wait a second is she calling me fat?!" was my initial reaction obviously then i realized by clean diet she meant organic healthy living. to be perfectly honest I didn't that advice seriously until after surgery when certain foods where making me ill, probably because the first week I was on a liquid diet of all things healthy (silver lining: a dropped a few pounds after surgery. don't judge!)
after going through this invasive surgery and having my baby making area at risk it was time to get serious so I reached out to catherine who has recently launched an app greenhopping. the app helps you find your nearest [organic] green juice bar/restaurant and healthy eating options, classified by vegetarian, raw, vegan or gluten free. take a look at my q&a with the freaking amazing and ridiculously helpful and supportive catherine cuello of greenhopping.

1. what exactly is your lifestyle? vegan? vegetarian? just conscious?

i don't like labels but I am a vegan, mostly raw. extremely conscious about what I but in my mouth.... zero processed, packaged, refined sugar or artificial foods. a lot (like everyday, several times a day) smoothies with spinach, veggies at every meal, beans, and quinoa or red rice. eating well is addictive!

2.how long have you been living this lifestyle?

nearly two years... and i've never looked back. almost feel like I was 'missing out' all these years because i've never felt better!

3. why did you decide to change the way you eat and live?

the summer of 2010 i suffered a major health scare. what began as benign ovarian cysts (on both ovaries) ended up in emergency and exploratory surgery. my left cyst was benign on the outside but malignant on the inside, so i ended up losing my left ovary out of precaution. although all tests on 27 of my lymph nodes came back clean, ny doctors still recommended "preventive" rounds of what in my case seemed like, destructive and invasive medicine. at the age of 23, with no present malignancy in my body, doctors wanted me to do 3 months of everyday treatment "just in case" that would potentially mess up my last ovary. luckily, I had some time to think about it because i underwent a fertilization process to freeze eggs. that's when i began to research about other options, and came across kris carr, her story, and the healing power of food. again, i've never looked back.

4. do you feel a difference in your health and the way you live?

COMPLETELY. i feel much more energized and full of life. food affects not only your body (weight, etc) but also your mind. if you feel good in our body, you will also feel good in your mind. this is the most important thing I've learned so far - how powerful the mind body connection can be once you unlock it.

5. how did you do it? i might seem like a brat or like I'm making excuses but as a newbie to this lifestyle change I feel very frustrated.

the diet trend in the usa heavily relies on packaged and processed foods, so at first, you may find yourself a bit lost and confused - what do I eat now? get back to basics - eat simple foods that are filling and nourishing. research the health properties of your favorite veggies or fruits so you know how much good they are doing in your body. i literally changed overnight - my health state was at stake so I went all in, head first. juiced every day, several times a day and just ate raw veggies. avocados with red peppers/onions, carrots, oven baked kale with no salt or oil, broccoli, a ton of fruit (which I love) and some nuts...food in its simplest way. so yes… it may seem difficult at first but it’s either veggies for your health or pills to make it seem like nothing is happening. eventually, it catches up to you… so it’s now or never. take care of yourself!

6. my first shopping trip came out to a lot of money and since it was mostly produce i know i'm going to face that issue again. am I doing something wrong or is it a costly life change?

it’s a costly life change at first until you get yourself settled in and realize what you like. try to buy local – which means eating seasonal. buying organic from another country or state is what ups the price… nonetheless, stick to the extra powerful veggies such as the cruciferous and leafy green family. berries are great for antioxidants, ginger and lemon act as anti-inflammatories and tropical fruits are good for the detox and kidney cleansing. i address these topics on latina magazine’s “the latin Kitchen” through a series called: Mastering The Art Of Being Vegan. i can also be found on people en español talking about the health benefits of certain fruits and vegetables.

7. walk me through your day what do you eat?

morning = my green smoothie!! i've been literally having the same for 2 years straight...i love it! (frozen strawberries, blueberries, 1/2 banana, ginger, 2 handfuls of spinach, raw coconut water, chia seeds). snacks = raw seeds/nuts, oranges, tangerines, grapes etc. lunch = depends on my mood. sometimes i’ll just have 3 or 4 big green juices and a banana… if my body tells me I need it, i’ll have something heavier such as quinoa or sweet potatoes. the app helps you to find great food spots! as a rule of thumb…i try to be raw before dinner. i don’t count calories, quantity, portions or any of that nonsense. if it’s organic, natural and fresh – then have it (fruits, veggies, nuts or seeds). it’s when it comes to whole grains that you may want to be a little wearier of how much you have – but that depends on your weight and health situation. dinner: quinoa with garlic, broccoli and garlic, kale in the oven, red rice, lentils, split pea soup, black beans, red beans, veggie lasagna – no dairy ever (it’s proven to cause inflammation in the body) – buckwheat noodles. for salad dressings: i do not buy anything bottled because it’s full of preservatives; as is everything else that comes in a box or bag. apple cider vinegar is great, olive oil and lemon or white wine vinegar (no sulfites) also works…

8. do you drink coffee?

i don’t drink coffee but only because my parents never drank any while I was growing up. caffeine is equally as bad as alcohol. so try to minimize its intake… coffee and sugar will be the tobacco of our children’s generation.

9. congrats on your app! tell me about!

yes :) thank you! greenhopping’s mission is to make healthy eating and dining easier. the app helps you find your nearest [organic] green juice bar/restaurant and healthy eating options, classified by vegetarian, raw, vegan or gluten free. the condition to be on the app is to serve green juices – and be natural and preservative free. farm fresh to table basically. i launched it because i know how alone and lost i felt when i first started at the age of 23… there’s a beautiful community of like-minded people that lead this kind of lifestyle and make beautiful creations, not to mention raw/healthy desserts that are incredible. it’s not all beer at a bar and chicken wings these days – you don’t have to be what society dictates you to be. In any event, the world is changing as more and more people realize the connection between diet and health or diet and disease. jump on the health wagon!

10. any advice, words of wisdom or encouragement to anyone crossing over to the healthy living world?

if i can do it, anyone can! seriously… I may come across as “health savvy” nowadays, but back in the day i was like everyone else. eating chips and cheddar cheese on everything, and fast food burgers, vodka, etc. i lived to party and get tipsy and flirt with boys. that all stopped when i found myself laying on an operating table and loosing my left ovary. don’t let anyone tell you what and what not to do with your body – diet included. people will be skeptical and annoying, asking you the million “why’s” – why don’t you eat meat, why won’t you drink, why don’t you want pasta? stay true to yourself and answer them to the best of your abilities – it’s none of their business what you eat and don’t eat and it’s your health after all. you know what’s best for you. think of the nutritional value that comes with everything you eat. learn how to listen to your body and feed it what it needs. If one day you want pasta – have pasta. but make sure it’s the best goddamn pasta you’ve ever had. make it yourself or buy it at a health food store to make sure it does not carry any weird preservatives or strange ingredients. oh, and if you can’t read the name of the ingredient, don’t have it!
xoxo catherine

trading in my coffee for some morning greens!

one day at a time i'm going to kick this diseases ass!

road to recovery

first off thank you so much to everyone who sent good vibes, love, prayers, thoughts, texts, calls and all that good stuff my way. every good vibe was felt and every chocolate covered strawberry eaten! surgery is done and the drugs have worn off and here i am! my body took a serious beating and i'm definitely in some serious pain but it's okay because once this pain is gone i should be healthy! 

so about that surgery...remember the last really bad snow storm we had in nyc? schools closed, roads backed up, "if you don't have to drive don't drive" snow storm...yeah that was the day my surgery happened. i wouldn't be me if i didn't go big! the day before surgery my nerves were shot absolutely shot i was a nut case. i spent the day at work making ridiculous jokes that made no sense while just going through the motions at my desk. oh and i had to get my blood work redone because my blood work was "lost", let's not get into it because i'll get stressed and that can't be good right now. i couldn't eat so i was automatically in rare form, when i got home my poor boyfriend was called a million names because he didn't have chicken broth waiting for me like he said he would...tragedy!!! both of us were so overwhelmed with emotions with surgery in arms reach that we cracked, we got into a huge argument because i said he didn't care about me lmfao meanwhile the guy gives me the world. sorry babe! i just didn't know what i wanted or rather didn't know how to say "babe i'm really fucking scared and all i want is for you to hold me, let me cry, and hear you say i love you." which is him 365 days a years except the day before surgery. he was so scared and made such an effort to keep me calm that he was too busy playing solider he forgot his normal romeo hat. but honestly i was so overwhelmed with emotion i don't know that anything would have been right for me that night. so again, sorry babe! along with not eating i had to drink two bottles of magnesium in wonderful lemon/lime flavors so "it's tasty" bite me, there is nothing tasty about it.  my mother came over so she could join me for the big day. nerves got the best of all three of us so we didn't really sleep that night but when we did wake up at 4am we were greeted by a massive snow storm! before we got ready to go i had to take enema, an up the ass laxative. i will leave the next few minutes of that day out because i love you! by 5am we were in a cab heading to the clinic, but not without a little drama. the original cab driver told my boyfriend that he was waiting for 10 minutes for us (lies, it was 3 minutes, we are a punctual group) and drove off, so after an argument with the dispatcher we got another driver who drove through the storm and got us there safely.

once we got to midtown medical center (msc) i filled out some paper work and was shortly called in to get the ball rolling. shockingly the morning of the surgery i was fine all nerves were gone almost excited to just get it over with that was until i was hooked up to the iv. due to the storm one of my doctors was running late but it was fine by me it gave me, my mom, and boyfriend some time to chat with the other doctors and nurses that were involved in my procedure. my mom and boyfriend were way more anxious than i was the day of, sorry guys! at around 7/730 my main doctor arrived and it was time to get the party started! so i said my final goodbyes (that sounds so morbid lol) and was knocked the f out, all i remember is me bitching about the room being too cold and asking them to put on the heat...they ignored me which is a good sign because only people who feel comfortable with me actually ignore my ridiculousness!

i woke up drugged up like a mofo and guess what...i was freezing, shocker (see i'm not annoying for no reason)! a few years back when i had a laparoscopy all i remember was being violently ill when the anesthesia wore off and throwing up for what seemed like hours which is no fun especially after your mid section has been torn open. so expressed my fear with the anesthesiologist and he gave me a medication with the anesthesia that would not make me nauseous but would make me sleepy, holy shit was i tired when they woke me up! it was hurting me to keep my eyes open not to mention i was freezing, so what if i already mentioned that i'm trying to prove a point. 5 heating packs, 2 gingerales, and a pack of saltine crackers later it was time to get dressed and go. i only remember this because of pictures. according to the doctors i had a very terrible case of endometriosis, he called it a disease and it was worse than what we thought so they had a lot of cleaning up to do. but everything went perfect and the surgery was a success!!

the first 2 days i was so out of it drugged up on a little chair in my living room with my feet up on a foot stool. my boyfriend is officially ready for a baby, he had to give me medication every three hours and boy was he on it! my mom took off day 2, my sister and grandma came over and it was like bootcamp! my grandma is super old school so from the second she walked in the door she made me get up from my pillow filled chair and practice walking and eat (for the first time in my life i didn't have an appetite). i have to admit the walking helped get some of the gas that was killing me out! see they filled me up with gas to expand the area so they can see and work when they were in there and i guess technology doesn't have a "remove gas" tool yet so i was stuck with it inside of me...the devil i tell you! it was so nice though having my mom and grandma spoil me and baby me while my sister was being nice to me, it's the little things. the next few days were a blur but i do remember being constipated and holy shit i wouldn't wish that upon my worst enemy, that is literally the most painful thing ever i felt so helpless. since i crossed the tmi boundary already i will tell you that when i finally went it literally sucked the life out of me i was sweating, dizzy, and felt sick...nobody can ever say i'm full of shit (drum roll) haha!

i have to admit i was a bit emotional a few days after i don't know why, i should be happy this is getting taken care of. according to my loved ones i haven't let it register that i had a major surgery that my insides were removed. i don't know what it is maybe the medicine? but i haven't really been myself and i feel bad for those closest to me because i've been a nightmare at times. what i really think it is, is love overload. i have never been surround by so much genuine and equally reciprocated love and by people outside of my immediate family so it freaks me out almost too good to be true. but starting now i need to embrace it and love every second of it.

i will finish this the same way i started it...thank you and i love you. 

please note that my stomach is full of gas in these pictures and i'm swollen from the operation, don't judge!

living with endometriosis II

“I write because I don’t know what I think until I read what I say.” preach, Flannery O'Connor! i couldn’t have said it better myself! i have been a hot mess lately, more so than usual…an emotional wreck. granted i am smiling 95% of the time i’m hurting so bad inside…physically, mentally, and emotionally.
after my post about living with endometriosis i got a massive amount of support and feedback from family, friends, and the community of readers; it was a wonderful feeling. But of course me being me I felt guilty; I didn't want people to feel sorry for more I just needed to vent and write it out for my sanity. I'm really in denial when it comes to what I'm dealing with. On a physical level I'm so used to the pain that I act as if I'm not in any and then mentally I ignore and feel guilty for complaining which in turn means I'm internalizing the pain and fear and that equals me a hot ass mess.
So as a result of my post a few people actually went to seek help from a doctor about symptoms they had that were similar to mine and two of the ladies ended up discovering they too had endometriosis. In fact one found an amazing doctor (with a 4 month wait list!) that specialized in pelvic pain so I went ahead and booked an appointment. Lucky me they called me to come in last week because someone cancelled! The days leading up to the appointment I was extremely anxious, emotional and restless; falling asleep was damn near mission impossible and when I finally fell asleep I ended up waking up with a racing heart. Finally, I got to the appointment with my mom by my side obviously and was there for 3 hours. First I was stuck filling out a massive questionnaire that included questions about my emotions, sex drive, pain levels, sleep habits and a million other things! Directly after that I finally went in to meet with the doctor to basically review my answers then it was time for the appointment.
This is where i break down, like right now I'm breaking down, I'm in tears as I type this because I relive the pain just thinking about it. I'm going to keep it very real and give details...just a heads up. I'm laying in the bed with my legs propped up on those things that look like something out of a horror movie (or x rated film, your call). First up, he presses around outside and already I'm cringing but that part is a piece of cake compared to what's to come. First he takes his fingers and just feels inside but the outer surface so not deep at all but even the touch of his fingers is painful so he grabs a long q tip looking thing to spare me some pain (for now!). He takes the very q tip thin tool and touches the outer surface again and again I cringe then he starts to go a little deeper and touches all sides now I'm biting my own hand because the pain is becoming too much to handle then he goes all the way in and I die I'm literally in tears. He stops and gives me some time to breathe and tells me it's ok to curse...wonderful! Now it's time for the big dogs...he pulls out the machine they use for sonograms (looks like a penis kind of sort of...work with me here!) the camera to take a look inside. you already know that I lost it crying, cursing, biting, holding my breath! but i just kept saying "jacq you need to get through this to fix the problem" so i sucked it up and let him finish his exam. when he was done i wanted to just lay there and cry but my anxiety kicked my pain in the ass and got dressed and ran to find out the immediate results...

the results are in...i suffer from: premenstrual dysphoric disorder, severe pelvic floor muscle spasm, and endometriosis 

with that i need surgery asap...fertility sparing radical removal of endometriosis (wtf does that mean?! let me pull out my notes): they are going to scrape or burn the endometriosis out of me, remove my appendix in case it spreads, open my fallopian tubes and sever the nerve from the pelvic

well that's a mouth full and a hell of a lot of information to take in! so my surgery is scheduled for january 15th i was going to postpone but after getting ripped a new one by my family it's going to stay on january 15th. i'm a fucking mess, i cry every night...because i'm scared, because i'm frustrated, because i don't know what the hell is going on and because i feel bad for feeling all of those ways. but i am the luckiest girl in the world because my support system is unreal! my mom is an angel, she has never left my side and makes sure that everything is taken care of, with her i know everything will be okay. my sister, she's my rock the toughest gal i know; that girl loves me to death and i couldn't live without her she shows me support by acting like this is all nothing at all and that i need to have babies just so i don't worry! my boyfriend, patience is his first middle and last name that guy deals with me 24/7 and never turns his back; he deals with me at my ugliest and still treats me like i'm the light of his life. my grandparents, they just love the shit out of me and that's all i can ask for. my manitas, they are constantly checking in and forcing me to vent because they know i love to internalize to save people from hearing my story! 

well that's that, thanks again for letting me vent. just an fyi this one was too much for me to write so there is absolutely no spelling or grammar check involved! ox!