first off thank you so much to everyone who sent good vibes, love, prayers, thoughts, texts, calls and all that good stuff my way. every good vibe was felt and every chocolate covered strawberry eaten! surgery is done and the drugs have worn off and here i am! my body took a serious beating and i'm definitely in some serious pain but it's okay because once this pain is gone i should be healthy!

so about that surgery...remember the last really bad snow storm we had in nyc? schools closed, roads backed up, "if you don't have to drive don't drive" snow storm...yeah that was the day my surgery happened. i wouldn't be me if i didn't go big! the day before surgery my nerves were shot absolutely shot i was a nut case. i spent the day at work making ridiculous jokes that made no sense while just going through the motions at my desk. oh and i had to get my blood work redone because my blood work was "lost", let's not get into it because i'll get stressed and that can't be good right now. i couldn't eat so i was automatically in rare form, when i got home my poor boyfriend was called a million names because he didn't have chicken broth waiting for me like he said he would...tragedy!!! both of us were so overwhelmed with emotions with surgery in arms reach that we cracked, we got into a huge argument because i said he didn't care about me lmfao meanwhile the guy gives me the world. sorry babe! i just didn't know what i wanted or rather didn't know how to say "babe i'm really fucking scared and all i want is for you to hold me, let me cry, and hear you say i love you." which is him 365 days a years except the day before surgery. he was so scared and made such an effort to keep me calm that he was too busy playing solider he forgot his normal romeo hat. but honestly i was so overwhelmed with emotion i don't know that anything would have been right for me that night. so again, sorry babe! along with not eating i had to drink two bottles of magnesium in wonderful lemon/lime flavors so "it's tasty" bite me, there is nothing tasty about it. my mother came over so she could join me for the big day. nerves got the best of all three of us so we didn't really sleep that night but when we did wake up at 4am we were greeted by a massive snow storm! before we got ready to go i had to take enema, an up the ass laxative. i will leave the next few minutes of that day out because i love you! by 5am we were in a cab heading to the clinic, but not without a little drama. the original cab driver told my boyfriend that he was waiting for 10 minutes for us (lies, it was 3 minutes, we are a punctual group) and drove off, so after an argument with the dispatcher we got another driver who drove through the storm and got us there safely.

once we got to midtown medical center (msc) i filled out some paper work and was shortly called in to get the ball rolling. shockingly the morning of the surgery i was fine all nerves were gone almost excited to just get it over with that was until i was hooked up to the iv. due to the storm one of my doctors was running late but it was fine by me it gave me, my mom, and boyfriend some time to chat with the other doctors and nurses that were involved in my procedure. my mom and boyfriend were way more anxious than i was the day of, sorry guys! at around 7/730 my main doctor arrived and it was time to get the party started! so i said my final goodbyes (that sounds so morbid lol) and was knocked the f out, all i remember is me bitching about the room being too cold and asking them to put on the heat...they ignored me which is a good sign because only people who feel comfortable with me actually ignore my ridiculousness!

i woke up drugged up like a mofo and guess what...i was freezing, shocker (see i'm not annoying for no reason)! a few years back when i had a laparoscopy all i remember was being violently ill when the anesthesia wore off and throwing up for what seemed like hours which is no fun especially after your mid section has been torn open. so expressed my fear with the anesthesiologist and he gave me a medication with the anesthesia that would not make me nauseous but would make me sleepy, holy shit was i tired when they woke me up! it was hurting me to keep my eyes open not to mention i was freezing, so what if i already mentioned that i'm trying to prove a point. 5 heating packs, 2 gingerales, and a pack of saltine crackers later it was time to get dressed and go. i only remember this because of pictures. according to the doctors i had a very terrible case of endometriosis, he called it a disease and it was worse than what we thought so they had a lot of cleaning up to do. but everything went perfect and the surgery was a success!!

the first 2 days i was so out of it drugged up on a little chair in my living room with my feet up on a foot stool. my boyfriend is officially ready for a baby, he had to give me medication every three hours and boy was he on it! my mom took off day 2, my sister and grandma came over and it was like bootcamp! my grandma is super old school so from the second she walked in the door she made me get up from my pillow filled chair and practice walking and eat (for the first time in my life i didn't have an appetite). i have to admit the walking helped get some of the gas that was killing me out! see they filled me up with gas to expand the area so they can see and work when they were in there and i guess technology doesn't have a "remove gas" tool yet so i was stuck with it inside of me...the devil i tell you! it was so nice though having my mom and grandma spoil me and baby me while my sister was being nice to me, it's the little things. the next few days were a blur but i do remember being constipated and holy shit i wouldn't wish that upon my worst enemy, that is literally the most painful thing ever i felt so helpless. since i crossed the tmi boundary already i will tell you that when i finally went it literally sucked the life out of me i was sweating, dizzy, and felt sick...nobody can ever say i'm full of shit (drum roll) haha!

i have to admit i was a bit emotional a few days after i don't know why, i should be happy this is getting taken care of. according to my loved ones i haven't let it register that i had a major surgery that my insides were removed. i don't know what it is maybe the medicine? but i haven't really been myself and i feel bad for those closest to me because i've been a nightmare at times. what i really think it is, is love overload. i have never been surround by so much genuine and equally reciprocated love and by people outside of my immediate family so it freaks me out almost too good to be true. but starting now i need to embrace it and love every second of it.

i will finish this the same way i started it...thank you and i love you.

please note that my stomach is full of gas in these pictures and i'm swollen from the operation, don't judge!