“I’m going to see him tomorrow”…unfortunately, those words are haunting me because tomorrow never came. Yesterday, I learned that “tomorrow’s never promised” is more than a saying, it’s a reality and reality hit me hard. My abuelito was sick for a few weeks (thank God it wasn’t longer) and while I spent a lot of time with him, no time would have been the right time to say goodbye or enough time before goodbye. Monday, I was very overwhelmed with emotion after spending the weekend with him and seeing him in pain and discomfort, I decided to go home and spend time with my little family for a peace and sense of normalcy. Now that I think back a few days something wasn’t right internally with me Monday while my intention was to enjoy a loving and peaceful evening I was picking fights and very irritated feeling guilty that I should have been with my grandpa. After a very sleepless and emotional Monday night I decided to go home Tuesday and actually rest and have a peaceful night with my family. What I was trying to force myself to do was accept the circle of life and that I was starting a family of my own and that it was okay to be happy and have that…it’s life and grandpa loved the life I was creating. Wednesday morning I woke up excited to visit my abuelito and spent my whole day anxiously waiting for it, unfortunately he wasn’t around for my visit…I lost my grandpa. While in the middle of busy Grand Central picking up flowers for my grandma I got the call, we lost grandpa…everything around me was silent and spinning, my chest got tight and my stomach knotted, “I’m going to see him tomorrow” is all that I heard. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity but in actuality was only moments Jack spotted me in the crowd and he just knew as I crashed into his chest sobbing...we lost grandpa. I stayed buried in his chest while the crowd rushed around us attempting to wrap my head around what had happened and devastated that I didn't get to say goodbye that I was less than an hour away from my date with grandpa. Tomorrow came but it was different from yesterday because this time there was no abuelito, so "I'll see you tomorrow" never came. I feel like it'll be a long time before I come to terms with it and free myself of regret.
However, I do have 27 years of amazing memories, hilarious stories, and morals that are embedded in me for life thanks to my grandpa. Grandpa was always cracking jokes regardless of who you were he was going to crack jokes about you, it was kind of his way of saying “I love you”…or at least I hope so because he always told me I was ugly and stinky! There wasn’t a day that went by that he wasn’t acting like a clown, even in his last days he was telling the doctor give him $10 and telling me that the other half of my skirt must have got lost since it was “so short”. Every single person knew grandpa said the same exact thing when they heard about his passing “the funniest and most loving man I’ve met”; that came from people who met him once and those who knew him their whole life and that speaks volume. Other than being absolutely ridiculously hilarious my abuelito had a heart of gold, nothing was his it was community. He didn’t cook for himself not ever, he cooked for everyone. He didn’t fill the fridge with things he like or could even have but what everyone else liked, so when you walked into their house your favorite drink was guaranteed to be in that fridge. There was one thing that he did take serious and that was his scratch tickets…heaven forbid you walked in their without a scratch ticket for him the jokes on you would multiply by 100! He loved his scratchies but it’s no surprise he even shared those! One day my dad played a joke on him and gave him a gag gift (a scratch ticket with a $10,000 prize) oh my goodness grandpa lost it screaming and jumping yelling “I’m taking everyone to Puerto Rico”! Grandpa loved money, he would check your pockets for change without you knowing (or so he thought) but I will never understand why because he gave it all away or used all his money to buy things for others. We didn’t come from a lot of money or any money for that matter but it was never a problem hell I didn’t even know we didn’t have money! How? Because we did things, had so much fun, always laughing and exploring. I had a pool in my grandpa’s backyard; one of the little plastic pools from the dollar store and my grandpa would stay out there with me with the hose running water…at one point he found a slide someone was throwing away cleaned that bad boy up and bam just like that I had a water slide. You couldn’t tell me anything, I was having the time of my life with my personal pool and my personal water boy! At night me and my grandpa would get in our respective beds and turn on Nick at Nite and watch hours of black and white TV: “I Dream of Jeanie”, “Bewitched”, “Taxi”, “I Love Lucy” and a few more, it was our thing. Unless it was summer time than I had to watch baseball with him which honestly I just tuned out but I loved just hanging with my grandpa. Then, there was the music and dancing this was more so Victoria’s area he loved to watch Vic dance and show off her club moves like the girls on TV…he would poke fun because I couldn’t move like her. He actually spent his final hours listening to music and watching his “favorite” (whatever!) dance around the room in between their naps.
Grandpa you taught me that life is about love and laughter, you instilled in me the importance of family and giving...thank you! The core values you taught me are with me forever and I will carry them forever and continue living life the way you did…your ways will be carried on for generations to come I promise. PS. I will always have an extra birthday candle for you my birthday buddy!
Te quiero abuelito.
Para siempre.
