Finish Line

According to my pregnancy app we are 3 weeks and 3 days away from Bebe Solivan's due date and I am all over the place emotionally! I am beyond excited to meet our child...to see if it is a son or a daughter, will he/she have Jack's bright green eyes and my chubby cheeks? For the most part I have been out of character chill during this pregnancy (in regards to baby things) but suddenly I'm starting to get hit with waves of anxiety about the unknown; not about the baby's physical traits but important things like: when will he/she make their entrance, what is labor going to be like, and how the hell do we take care of a baby. There really is no "how to" manual out there, actually I take that back there are TOO many "how to" manuals and they all say something completely different so we're back at square one...clueless!

I know everyone says once the baby comes you magically figure it out, I guess it's kind of like how breast milk magically comes out once the baby is out?! But seriously how many often do I have feed the baby? Changing I guess I can figure out by checking the diaper. Do babies actually never sleep and cry all night...is that a real thing? There is only one way to find out...eek!! My one hope is to be the mom I can be to this little angel; giving them a life of love, laughter, and adventure. The most asked question recently has been "are you ready to get that baby out?" and the answer is not at all! Despite the awful sleep and daily dose of nausea I'm really loving this little baby inside of me and am in no rush for he/she to come out...there is no getting this time back. So for the next few days/weeks I will just continue to embrace pregnancy with belly rubs and tummy chats from Jack and Charlie as my protector; pretty soon we will be a party of 4!

Gender Reveal

"HE OR SHE WHAT WILL IT BE?" that was the name of my Pintrest board dedicated to gender reveal ideas long before having a baby was even a topic of conversation. Then, I got pregnant and suddenly all that planning went right out the window, just like every other plan I had (I am starting to get the idea that plans are kind of a joke during this time). The decision to not find out the gender actually wasn't even up for discussion; when we found out I was pregnant we both just knew we didn't want to find out. In the back of my mind I think the lost of the first pregnancy and the challenges we faced brought on our complete certainty in that decision. I'm not sure, I just know it's the perfect decision for us. It's really funny because a solid 98% of the people around us are going crazy with us not finding out the gender. Outside of them simply wanting to know they cannot believe that a control freak planner like myself is not dying to know so I can "prepare".  Luckily, this mama is a neutral freak in both decor and clothing so it's not changing anything on my end; the nursery nook (not doing a whole room just yet) will be perfect for a little lady or gentleman and as far as clothes I'm thinking they'll be living in yummy white onesies for a little while (with a touch of greys, ivory, and navy).

Here is the way we see it: In today's world we have instant gratification to anything and everything, so there really are no surprises in life. That combined with my inability to be surprised (that control freak thing I mentioned earlier) makes this moment one of life's very few surprises.

With that Bebe Solivan Gender Reveal: July 2017!

Hello Bump

Days before entering the second trimester my beautiful and amazingly talented friend Nicole pulled out her camera for a little photo session. I was not feeling very pretty (remember I was down for the count) plus I was super bloated (nobody warned me about constipation during pregnancy, holy shit!) but I am so freaking glad we took the time to capture these moments in our home. Below are a few of my favorites, I'll cherish these forever!

First Trimester Survival

Nothing in this world could have prepared me for the insane changes my body was going to undergo during the first few weeks/months of pregnancy. The thought of pregnancy always excited me; the cute baby bump, glowing skin, and the fact that life would be growing inside of me. Boy was I in for a surprise when I found myself glued to the bathroom floor from the moment I woke up until I finally passed out (literally because of dehydration). The doctors diagnosed me with hyperemesis gravidarum which basically means my body is sensitive to all the hormones and in turn I get sick AF; by sick I mean throwing up anything and everything ALL DAY (legit 10 times a day) and since I couldn't hold anything down I would get VERY weak due to the lack of nutrients. They pumped me up with nutrients, gave me some medication (Zofran), and put me on bed rest for an ENTIRE MONTH (the most torturous sentencing for Miss Independent); this episode repeated itself a few times throughout the first trimester. Also, I had NO IDEA that constipation during pregnancy was a thing...holy shit that is a killer! All the plans I had for adorable weekly photos went right out the window at week 5, mind you my pregnancy was confirmed at 4 weeks so those cute pics had a 1 week life span.

I struggled not only physically but emotionally as well. For starters, I felt completely useless; I could not do a thing around the house or for myself. Thank God blessed me with Jack as my partner; he took charge of everything without thinking twice (cleaning, cooking, working, bills, Charlie, hell he even had to bathe me),  he did all of it with such joy and pride, and constantly reminded me that my bed rest state was a much larger task than all the tasks he had..."you're growing our baby, you're Superwoman"! My biggest struggle was "mom guilt" (I didn't really know that was a thing let alone SO damn early in the game)! I felt bad that I had to take medication (you always hear pregnancy and medicine is a NO NO) and despite doctors telling me I HAD to I still felt uneasy; but I guess the doctors know a thing or two because without the medication I was back in the hospital causing harm to me and the baby. Part 2 of the "mom guilt" was the fact that a felt absolutely miserable; for a while I held in the truth when folks asked me how I was because I did not for one second want to seem that I was not beyond excited for this blessing.

All in all the first trimester (actually the first 4 months) was an absolute blur of very slow passing time but I survived (down 11 pounds) but now ready to make up for lost time for the rest of this pregnancy!