as i sit here swinging in my new hammock enjoying a breezy evening with a glass of rose i find myself thinking "whoa how the hell did i get here"/"dude i'm getting old"…i mean i find myself reflecting! my life has changed quite a bit; be it work, family, friends, love…everything has evolved. recently i have felt a certain level of peace; which for me is huge because i'm a super intense person who puts massive thought and energy into anything and everything. the sudden calm that has come over me is a result of me not giving a shit like i used to and damn it feels good. here are a few things that have brought me peace of mind.

allow myself to be happy. sounds simple but it wasn't for me, i'm sure it was subconscious but i always felt the need to rock the boat. it was like i always needed a dose of drama. "oh things are so calm and happy something must be wrong, let's f*ck sh*t up!"
stop competing, again subconscious but it happened. regardless if it wasn't me initiating the competition which it wasn't because that's not me (i swear); but it is me to accept all challenges. i stopped stressing the coworker who was always trying to one up me. at home i attempted to let my boyfriend teach me things instead of getting defensive. i stopped feeding into girlfriend's dating "advice" when she was in the type of relationship i had no desire to be in.
do what makes me happy. i'm thankful for all those that try and help and think they are giving me profound advice; but i am not seeking advice or opinions. if and when i do please give it to me but right now i'm good, in fact i'm great and that's because i'm doing what makes me happy not what makes anyone else happy. now don't get me wrong i love making people happy i get a natural high off of it! however, now i will make people happy by doing things that pertain to them and that don't compromise my own happiness…example: i made you this picture collage of your life highlights for your birthday because you always say you have no pictures vs. i stopped letting my boyfriend play xbox because you thought it was ridiculous. get it?
letting it go! so hard for me i must admit since i'm a control freak, but being a control freak was causing way too much stress and pressure. the weight that is lifted from accepting that everyone is different is amazing. i'm still a control freak, super anal, and a master planner/organizer but i'm learning and making the conscious effort to take a step back when possible. i was trying to force relationships between the loved ones in my life and was so consumed with making everyone act out the vision i had…it was an epic fail, in fact it caused tension…or should i say i caused the tension. once i took a step back and allowed everyone to grow and build their relationships organically everything blossomed and is now exactly where it should be; still maybe not what i imagined but it's perfect because it's real!
living! i have always let work consume my life, i'm still a workaholic but i'm learning how to live. if come 6pm i have nothing outstanding left to do, i leave…sure i could work for hours if i wanted but there is always tomorrow. traveling has always been a passion but seemed so unobtainable but it's not, you just have to do it. i was also always so afraid to spend my money or would blow it on silly things, now i'm saving my pennies and using them when there is something that will enhance my life…example: a hammock in the yard and a trip to thailand! that's right i'm going to take 2 weeks off of work only one which will be paid and heading to the other side of the world. the way i see it what i will gain on that trip no amount of money can replace.

that's all i've got for now. i'm a constant work in progress but as long as i'm always progressing i'll be alright.