I have been very vocal about my bad days because it's very therapeutic and if I can make even one person feel better by being relatable it makes me feel damn good. But I have been in a really good place lately and I want to make sure I have these memories jotted down as well.
There is some irony behind this because I'm feeling overwhelmed about a few things (shocker)! I'm trying to find balance between my work and taking care of Kennedy, I want to make sure that my time with her is productive and well spent. We are finally playing with the idea of buying a home (jeez that sounds so damn adult) but are struggling because being self employed you need FOUR years of history and we only have two (ugh)!! I have some relationships that have faded after me holding on real tight for so long! So with all of that how is it that I'm deeming this as a very happy moment in time that I want to bottle up and remember forever? Am I crazy? Perhaps, but that's beside the point. My mindset is different, for some reason I'm seeing the positive in all of the above and it actually wasn't a conscious decision.
My trying to find balance working from home; I feel so fortunate to have the opportunity to be able to work from home doing things I love and care for my daughter! Difficulty getting a loan because we are self employed, dude we are bosses...maybe not balling but we are bosses and are creating a legacy and creating a lifestyle that works for us not one that we are forced to live. Lost relationships, shit sucks bad especially because of where I'm at in life. I want to share it with the world but the truth is, the relationships that faded were one sided and draining me emotionally; also, now that my energy is not being spent chasing folks I can invest more time in those that are equally invested. Basically, I'm creating the life I want and it's not always easy in fact it's pretty hard at times (no guaranteed bi-weekly paycheck, the pain that comes with realizing people who you were so invested in aren't equally, etc) which is why I want to bottle up these feelings.
I don't like to extend advice because come on what do I know, this thing called life is one giant learning experience BUT let me tell ya changing my mindset has been instrumental to my happiness! I'm not letting fear get in my way; fear of failure, fear of not being accepted, fear of not impressing, fear of making the wrong choice...F THAT, I GOT THIS, YOU GOT THIS! Life is too short to not do what makes you happy!
There was a saying I remember hearing that now seems so relevant:
Grant me the SERENITY to accept things I cannot change, COURAGE to change the things I can, and WISDOM to know the difference.
