I've said it a million times "I always knew I wanted to be a mom" but it's true! Along with knowing I wanted to be a mom I KNEW I was going right back to work to keep climbing up that corporate ladder, there was NO WAY I was going to be a SAHM (yup there is an acronym for stay at home mom, check all the mommy blogs ha!). I also said that I was going to be at every single basketball game, every school play, and chaperone every field trip. Mind you this is the vision I created at around 10 years old; when I said "I'm going to do it all by myself!" (how's that vision of 10 year old me...SASS FOR DAYS!)

Let's fast forward a few years to the adult Jacqueline (still sassy); all my mom goals and dreams remained the same except for the fact that I fell in love so I wasn't going to produce a child alone and that I had become a slave to the corporate world. Through my experience in the corporate world it started to dawn on me that I might not be able to obtain the balance that I desired; this realization became more apparent once we actually started to try having a baby. However; instead of throwing that dream out the window I came up with a plan, I would bust my butt even harder and climb up that ladder even quicker so that I was in a position of "power" and make myself "irreplaceable" so that the company needed me and would allow me to be flexible come baby time. HA! While I was working around the clock and devoting all my time to work I miscarried and after that miscarriage I only took one day off...the day it happened; I also struggled with getting pregnant after that (I struggled prior the miscarriage as well). In the decade of working in Corporate America I never once figured out work life balance, partially my fault I should have MADE IT HAPPENED; but honestly it was the culture I was in...nobody had that balance...work was life! If that was the case for me as an individual I could not even imagine how I would be able to make it work the way I WANTED with a child. I told myself I would just put my foot down, I would care more about my days off, and utilize them without guilt if I had a child...I was going to have a child, work full time, and be fully present in the way I dreamt of!

Fast forward to today...I am currently a SAHM! During my pregnancy we had to sit down and figure out what was best for us as individuals, a couple, partners, parents, and a family; the decision we came up with was that I would stay at home for the first year. Once I became pregnant my mindset shifted a bit, like they say never say never because you never know until you are actually in that situation. We quickly realized that childcare is VERY expensive as was commuting to work. Then, there was the time factor...working for 8 hours a day plus the additional 60-90 minutes it would take two times a day commuting...it was A LOT to think about. Suddenly, I uttered the words I NEVER thought I would say (dramatic much? ha!) "What if I stay home FOR A LITTLE WHILE"...Jack seemed VERY shocked, did those words really come out of the mouth of his workaholic girlfriend? Yes, I said it! I realized that I wanted to be home at least for a little while and be there for as many first as I could and spend that quality time with my baby; I also realized I was very fortunate to have the ability to do so and it might not last forever. Granted, sacrifices and adjustments had to be made in order to make that possible; we would be going from a dual income household to a single income but we were okay with that and make the adjustments needed to make it happen to setup the best lifestyle for us as a family.

While this felt like the right decision for us I naturally still had some reservations:

MONEY
- This was scary as hell but once we considered all things such as my commuting cost and sitter cost (DUDE SO EXPENSIVE) a nice chunk of change would be going towards child care essentially. So we realized that if we budgeted we could make it work; perhaps not a life of glamour and maybe less "pretty things" but having the ability to stay home with our princess would be worth it for us. It forced us really embrace the simple lifestyle we strived for and to minimize which I have to say is such a liberating movement, we got rid of so much SHIT and THINGS! It also pushed us to work harder to make JS Home Automation (our company) succeed and it would push me to work on things I love but never had the time for.
ME A SAHM?!?
- I spent my entire life saying I was going right back to work, I would NEVER stay at home...talk about self doubt, I set myself up. I was terrified that I wouldn't be able to do it; there was no damn manual out there, no HOW TO guide, and what if those damn "mom instincts" that folks told me about didn't kick in. There was also the part of me that feared losing a part of me,I worked so damn hard on...Jacqueline the "worker", the corporate ladder climber, the Director of Sales and just like that I was going to leave all that behind to just be Jacqueline the Mom. NOW READ CAREFULLY AND DON'T START WITH THE JUDGEMENT (which you should really work on if you're "judgey" because it's simply NOT COOL) I knew being a mother was going to be the best damn job I ever had, the most rewarding, and certainly the most challenging yet rewarding...I'm not denying that or losing sight of that. But I worked really damn hard to get where I was in my career and it was a part of who I was, so yes that took and is still taking some getting used to but nothing will ever replace this invaluable experience of staying home with our sweet sweet girl.

Staying at home with Kennedy has been by far the best experience of my life; working and busting my ass in a whole new way, still problem solving and making important decisions except the outcome now isn't closing a huge sale it's taking steps to raising a decent human being. My job daily other than keeping her alive is to ensure that she grows up to be kind, strong, empathetic, love hard, forgive, and just an overall good person. I used to be the queen of multi-tasking now I'm nearly 5 months into motherhood and I still haven't figured out how to walk the dog and Kennedy at the same time when I'm alone (insert face palm emoji).

Reminder: whatever YOU decide to do is the right decision. Be it a: full time SAHM, part time job and staying with the baby half of the week, a full time mom with a baby in daycare, a SAHM with a full time nanny...whatever it is, it's perfect and no matter which lifestyle you choose we are ALL WORKING MOMS...shit! Nobody is in your shoes or living your life, so as always I sign off with a DO YOU BOO BOO!

UPDATE (as always it takes me forever to finish a post, so when I started the above was my reality, here is an update)

Opportunity knocked and I did have a little itch to work a bit. I am now doing contract work from home for some awesome baby and mama companies; using the skill set I've built over the years yet still at home with my little mama. I have her on a schedule but I know need to work on one for myself because if I though being a SAHM was hard adding work to the mix is even trickier. I feel so blessed though to have the opportunity to make my "dream world" come true!

And a reminder in case the update made you forget: DO YOU BOO BOO!