SELFISH

A wise man once told me, you have so much potential to be a great writer and social media star just make sure you never share your age or your relationship status....

I've got a little over 2 months left in my 20's, I'm going to be 30 freaking years old...WHAT.THE.F! When the hell did that happen? As I'm embracing these last few months of my 20's I totally get why they say "30s are the new 20s"; I was dumb as shit for most of my 20s! I feel great going into 30 like I have a damn brain and some sort of clue; I feel like a better version of my 20 year old self and shockingly enough I don't feel old (maturer, slightly grown up, but not old). I still am clueless about a ton of adult like things, still haven't got myself completely figured out, and I still suck at hiding my emotions; but I'm comfortable, aware, and actively growing.

In my new year I want to focus on me, worrying about me and what makes me happy and what is best for me! How freaking selfish right? Ha, I know and it's so scary for me the most selfless person in the world, literally to a fault. This year I'm really going to do what I want and if that means not attending every event that I'm invited to...so be it! If it means allowing folks to pay me back instead of saying "no it's okay, I got it" (until I'm rich then I'll revert)...so be it! All in all I'm going to make a promise to myself to put my happiness first and be true to myself; of course I'm never going to not be caring, giving, and loving but I cannot fully care for others unless I take care of myself first. Hell even on the airplane they tell parents put your oxygen mask on before putting on your child's. I already have gotten a head start: moving all the way to Cold Spring with my little family.  Then, there was writing on this page for me and not forcing it to be a blog in turn making me a fraud blogger. Next up, doing what I want for my birthday and not worrying "is it too far for people"; Jack is trying to drill into my head "people that want to be around will be around"...after all it is my 30th...eek!

I have to commit to this, I don't want this to be like an empty NYE resolution "I'm going to give up soda and go to the gym 4 times a week". Now back to enjoying my last 72 days in my 20s! 

HELLO COLD SPRING

As of September 1st our little family are residents of Cold Spring, NY; a little (very little) village about an hour out of the city. We always spoke about leaving the city, we would spend our weekends exploring up north finding Charlie friendly activities. NYC will always be home and where we are from but we knew there was so much more out there and we had to step out of our comfort zone (me more than Jack) to fully experience it. For me it wasn't the subways, bodegas, and bars I was going to miss; it was my family and friends who were just a few minutes away! Our house was the meeting place for so many gathers both planned and spontaneous; we had a revolving door since we lived right in the center of everyone and everything (most importantly 2 miles from my momma and sissy)!

The move (which started 8/24) really took my love and appreciation for our relationship to another level; it was during this move that I realized it was just me and him. I'm totally not knocking the amazing family and friends we have but it became clear to me that at the day when everyone else is gone it's just the two of us (and Charlie of course). A few months ago I would have felt an insane amount of guilt saying that, I would have felt like I was shitting on everyone else in my life but I guess I'm maturing or something and I see things a bit differently. This is the circle of life; we are starting a life and a family (2 adults and a pup can be a family right?) and if I want the MOST (happiness, love, and peace) out of life I have to come to terms with it, embrace it, and live it out. I also need to remember by putting this part of my life first for my utmost happiness doesn't lessen my love for anyone else in my life, it's just a different kind of love. We took this leap moving an hour away (which is huge for us), leaving the big city we grew up in for a tiny village, and finding a place that makes US happy!

So a little about Cold Spring:

It really is a village / The Metro North from Grand Central stops 2 blocks away from our house (70 minute ride) / We are both on the water and in the mountains, so tons of water activities and hiking / We have done a 5 mile loop several times since moving here (6 pack coming soon?) / It is insanely peaceful / There are an obnoxious amount of antique stores (I'm in heaven) and massive weekend flea markets/ It's a historic village so lots of charm / Every neighbor is wildly amused by our names "Jack and Jacqueline" / Almost every person we've met in Cold Spring moved here from NYC / We live in an actual house (a very quirky one at that) but it's more like a cottage with a pretty low ceiling on the second floor (bruises and bumps to prove it) / We have a guest bedroom and we've already had a few slumber parties with our people / Charlie is in absolute heaven and it seems like we moved here for her

I cannot wait to share pictures of inside our new home, the layout is completely different from our old apartment so it's such a fun project (especially with all the antique shops and flea markets I'm surrounded by).

"ABOUT ME"

Here's the deal, life got busy per usual and since this lovely page doesn't exactly pay my bills I ended up moving it down on my priority list. Along with that I got intimidated by all the amazing bloggers out there; the ones who kill the game with the stunning photos, awesome content, and sick giveaways; I was nothing like them or at least my page wasn't (I was more talk, less really awesome pics). When I tried to follow suit it felt so inorganic and I hated it I didn't feel like a "blogger" it felt so forced and I couldn't fake the funk, I couldn't compete or keep up with them! In retrospect I know that was lame as shit and I should have know better than to compare myself to anyone but I'm human and at times I do stupid things (please don't share that information with my parents and boyfriend) but it's the truth. Then, time passed (like a lot of time) and I was almost embarrassed to pick up where I left off especially while watching other blogs grow so much in that time, so what happened even more time passed me by and here I am a year later. But I'm back! Why? Well for starters when I wasn't busy trying to fit the blogger mold and wrote in my own completely transparent voice people responded and it felt great connecting with friends and strangers over life. But most importantly, I missed writing and whined about it religiously over the course of the year so I'm back!

I'm back not as a blogger because I don't fit a specific mold and the pressure of finding a "niche" and sticking with it will 100% turn me off from this again. I'm back not as a writer because I write how I speak and I speak at a 100 words a minute without thinking and I don't want to worry about grammatical errors or typos. I'm back as a girl who loves to talk, share, and can't keep a journal for the life of me (legit there are probably 7 journals floating around my house). This time around it's not about the number of likes or followers but just a place for me to store all my thoughts and if someone wants to read along, be my guest!

PS I hate "ABOUT ME" sections they legit stress me out (like solo photos) but if I had one this post would be it!

PSS I didn't delete the old posts they're under the "OLDIES" section up top.